wakey wakey hands off snakey
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
