i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
