i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
