i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
