Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
