I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
