Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
