It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Mom said you looked used
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
