We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
