I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
