If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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