now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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