I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
