I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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