I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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