listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
