Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
