I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
