So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
