I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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