brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
