I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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