You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
