I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
