No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
