Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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