her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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