He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
