Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
