im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
not ubering you a puppy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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