you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
