you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
