i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
