Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
