Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
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