Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
