with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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