Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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