theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
