you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
