he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
