You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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