i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
