i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
