We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
