I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
