i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
