so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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