Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
