I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
