i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
