My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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