Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize