Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
