): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
do herpes really smell.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
