Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize