you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
