Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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