Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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