32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
