I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
