I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
