Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Drake has all the answers
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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