they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
