We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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