Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
