i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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