My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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