I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
