new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
