The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
