just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
3 2 1 whiskey
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
