So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
