I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
