Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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