So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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