exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
