I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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