You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
