So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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