Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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