i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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