So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
