She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
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