It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
