I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
