I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize