You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
