Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
