So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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