Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize