That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
