porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
