My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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