I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
