Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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