is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
