im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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