I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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