Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
