Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
