Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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