I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
