i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
