so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize