Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
