dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
