dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
