Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
